Not for ourselves, of course. Long-time readers of this column will know that we decided several years ago that it was much more fun to make them for other people. So here are 10 that I wish certain other people would adopt.

ROBERT MUGABE: Push off.

TESS DALY, of Strictly Come Dancing: Treat yourself to some elocution lessons and stop talking about "cooples", "joodges" and dances that are "cooming oop".

Jewish comedienne JOAN RIVERS: Would you please resolve to be a little more ladylike and a lot less embarrassing during the coming year? I know that some people find you hilariously funny but I find you and your so-called humour absolutely cringe-making.

BOOKER PRIZE JUDGES: Please resolve to hand your prestigious prize to John Boyne for The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas - one of the best books ever written.

SOFA MANUFACTURERS: Would you please resolve to have a re-think about some of your designs. I do sympathise with your trading difficulties in these cash-strapped times, but every time I turn on the telly and see yet another advert for sofas I can't help thinking that some of them are so hideous that it is no wonder you can't sell them.

GEORGE GALLOWAY: Please seriously consider emigrating to some remote island on the other side of the world.

PSYCHOLOGISTS AT HERIOT WATT UNIVERSITY, EDINBURGH: Please repeat after me: "We must stop wasting money on stupid research projects." I am less than thrilled to learn that "watching romantic comedies can spoil your love life because they make you believe that relationships should always be perfect". How much did that research cost?

DAVID BECKHAM: Do at least make an effort to stop using the phrase "you know" in the middle of every sentence you utter.

HONOURS AND APPOINTMENTS SECRETARIAT OF THE CABINET OFFICE: If the two worthy people I have nominated don't receive honours in the upcoming New Year's Honours List you had better resolve to put the matter right in the Queen's Birthday Honours List because you don't really want me to picket your offices and get myself arrested, do you?

Holocaust denier DAVID IRVING: Please resolve to take a long walk off a short pier.

Has the world gone bonkers?

YOU can't help wondering about some of the odd decisions people make. For example, how can the bosses of one organisation justify awarding themselves huge bonuses at a time when some of their staff are being forced to take pay cuts to keep their jobs and others are being laid off altogether?

And why has the government now decided at this time of recession and mass unemployment that people on long time unemployment benefit - including those with partial disablement - will have their benefits cut if they don't look for work? Of course there are some scroungers who have no intention of working if they can get away with living on benefits, but there are also many people who would be only too pleased to work and support their families, but who can't get jobs.

The trouble is that thousands of skilled and qualified workers are being laid off each week and any employer wanting to recruit staff would have no difficulty in finding experienced and able workers. So what incentive would he have to take on less able people who haven't been able to find work and who have lost both ability and confidence?

And while we are talking about controversial government policies, I am not happy about the possibility of faith schools being forced to accept children of other religions.

I am all for promoting understanding between children of different faiths, and anything which builds bridges has to be worth considering, but I don't think that Jewish children would feel comfortable in Muslim schools and I doubt whether pupils of the Islamic faith would want to attend Jewish schools. You can't expect pupils to feel totally at ease in what to them would seem a strange environment.

The other educational initiative that has me worried is the possibility of trendy educationists trying to foist sex education on children as young as five or six. Why can't they let them enjoy the innocence of childhood?

Even five-year-olds have more sense than these "experts".

Yule never believe it

DOESN'T it give you a wry smile when you hear those two nice Jewish girls Eve Pollard and Nigella Lawson handing out advice about Xmas?

Eve Pollard was talking about packing presents and Nigella Lawson was on about cooking.

It occurred to me that maybe David Dickinson could reciprocate by demonstrating the correct way to light a menorah and Jamie Oliver could show us a foolproof way to produce the perfect latke.

Banish the blues

HOW good it is to open the post and find Chanucah cards sent by caring non-Jewish friends.

It reinforces my view that friendship, goodwill and mutual respect can exist between people of all religions and that, contrary to what many Jewish people seem to believe, we are not universally disliked by other people - even when rogue Jewish financiers let us down and make us feel ashamed .

I am sure you felt as shocked as I was about that. But enough of the doom and gloom.

Enjoy the rest of Chanucah and have a marvellous 2009.

E-MAIL: ldonn@jewishtelegraph.com